The Closet's That-A-Way
by tin
Summary: Syaoran, Eriol, a bathroom and a Math Project


The Closet's That-A-Way  
by Tin Mandigma  
  
  
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Card Captor Sakura copyright CLAMP and other related enterprises. This fanfic  
was written for entertainment purposes only.   
_______________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
**daftness warning**  
  
  
Kinomoto Sakura didn't pride herself on a lot of things, but she did have rather   
extraordinary intuition if she did say so herself. A lot of people confused it   
for a charming ditzy sort of naivete and they were very sorry for it later on,   
of course. Kinomoto Sakura was anything but naive. Sometimes, she can even be  
downright scary. "I mean the _Things_ she knows," as Cerberus put it, shaking   
his head at Yue, who only shrugged and asked if there was some food in the  
refrigerator and, really, Cerberus, she must have inherited it from Clow who   
was the world's greatest armchair voyeur and the Things _he_ knows are legion   
and legend--may I please have a piece of that cake?   
  
"... and then I just know something's going to happen," said Sakura. It was  
lunchbreak and she was in the bathroom with Tomoyo, brushing her hair. Rika,   
Chiharu and Naoko along with the rest of the girls in their class were still   
in the cafeteria. Yamazaki was entertaining them with a lecture on perambulating   
mummies and cocoa. Normally, Sakura would have stayed on to listen but she   
didn't exactly share Yamazaki's theory that hot chocolate had a lot to do   
with the efficacy of Egyptian mummification techniques.   
  
"Something?" Tomoyo asked calmly. She didn't smile or say patronizing things  
of the 'Oh Sakura-chan has Something again' sort. But then Tomoyo wasn't exactly  
the Queen of Naivete either.   
  
Sakura nodded. "Like Strange Things."   
  
"Not Strange Bad Things?" Tomoyo queried.   
  
Sakura frowned as she reached for a hair clip. "Not really. Just strange. Which  
is almost always a bad thing of course," she admitted, "but not this time. At   
least I hope so."   
  
"Have you talked to Li-kun about it?"   
  
Sakura shook her head. "I haven't seen him much the past three days. Ever since  
he and Eriol-kun were assigned to work together on that math project, he's  
been a bit busy."  
  
Tomoyo smiled. "Do you think he and Hiiragizawa-kun are finally getting along?"   
  
Sakura smiled back. "It looks like it. They're certainly together all the time.  
He even spent last night at Eriol-kun's place."  
  
"That must be a really difficult math project if it kept both Li-kun _and_  
Hiiragizawa-kun so occupied," observed Tomoyo.   
  
"It's the deadline, I think," said Sakura. "Miss Takada gave them a year's  
worth of problems. They have to submit the project today."  
  
"Well," said the ever practical Tomoyo, "surely not even _they_ think they could  
shoot pocky with bunny ears at each other in class and get away with it."  
  
"Eriol-kun started it," said Sakura defensively.  
  
"But it was Li-kun who shoved an electrically-charged net into Miss Takada's   
head," Tomoyo pointed out.   
  
"He thought Eriol-kun had transformed into a butterfly," Sakura said seriously.  
  
"Well, Miss Takada's head does resemble the emperor moth--"   
  
They blinked as the bathroom door crashed open and Syaoran and Eriol rushed in  
like the proverbial spoken-of-devils, both wearing haunted and harrassed   
expressions. Sakura saw them in the mirror and her hand froze on her brush.   
Syaoran's shirt was half-undone and Eriol kept pushing his glasses, which   
looked--Sakura couldn't think of another word--foggy, back up his nose. They   
didn't seem to have noticed her or Tomoyo but instead headed straight for an   
empty cubicle, slamming the door behind them.   
  
Tomoyo stared at their combined reflection in the mirror. Sakura stared   
back.   
  
All in all, very Strange indeed.   
  
"Hurry up, Hiiragizawa, it's nearly time," Syaoran muttered.  
  
Eriol's voice was wry, if a bit shaky. "You know what they say about patience,   
Xiao Lang."  
  
"Spare me your idiotic aphorisms."   
  
"And you know what they say about virtue."   
  
"Mine or yours? Either way we won't have any left once we get through with this.  
If we get through with this."   
  
"Oh dear. Was that just a double entendre? Shocking."   
  
"Hii-ra-gi-za-wa."  
  
"Right. Here we go."   
  
"They're grunting," Tomoyo mouthed.   
  
Sakura nodded, at a loss. They _were_ grunting. Syaoran, in particular. Very   
loud grunting in fact. She didn't think grunts are components of high school   
math projects.  
  
"Damn. It won't fit!" said Syaoran.  
  
"Maybe if you turn over a little bit more..."   
  
"We're going to squish it if we go on like this."   
  
"And what a spectacular mental image you painted right there. Thank you. I needed   
that, Xiao Lang. Especially after all the work that we've been through."   
  
"Well, what else do we do?" Syaoran yelled, sounding frustrated.   
  
"Hold onto the wall with one hand. Let me try again."   
  
"Fine. Ready?"   
  
"I should be asking you that."   
  
"Well, _I_ am ready. You don't look like you're ready."   
  
"I am so!"   
  
"Then shove it!"  
  
Sakura suddenly wished she _was_ a clueless little airhead and that she hadn't  
studied biology with such painstaking attention. Or that she hadn't stopped to  
listen at her brother's door one fine Sunday afternoon while Yukito-san was   
visiting and heard Things. Like grunts.   
  
The bathroom door opened again and, to Sakura's horror, Chiharu, Naoko and Rika  
walked in, laughing.   
  
"Hey, Sakura-chan--" Rika began.   
  
Tomoyo made an abrupt shushing gesture. The other girls blinked in surprise.   
Tomoyo pointed to the direction of the cubicles. They blinked again.   
  
"Did you hear something?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Naoko squeaked. Rika shot a shocked questioning glance at Sakura, who simply  
looked numb.   
  
"I thought I heard voices."   
  
"I don't hear anything. You're breathing too loudly."   
  
"Look who's talking."   
  
"Come on, just concentrate on this."   
  
"I'm trying!"   
  
"Ouch!"  
  
"I second that!"   
  
"Hiiragizawa, it still won't fit!"  
  
"So you try it. I'll do the holding." A pause. "Damn it's hot," said Eriol.  
Sakura wondered wildly if he was leering. He sounded like he was leering.   
"And bloody stuffy."   
  
"Wait till Yamazaki joins us."   
  
Chiharu's mouth dropped open.   
  
"Hm. Do you think if you use your fingers...?"  
  
"We could give it a try."   
  
"Open it wider."  
  
"It's coming through..."  
  
Syaoran was not only grunting, he was also gasping. Sakura knew that gasp.   
She'd heard it more than once, only she thought that sort of gasp in his   
repertoire was exclusive only to her listening enjoyment. Apparently,  
it wasn't.   
  
"Bloody hell. It's stuck."   
  
Tomoyo winced.   
  
"Unstick it!"   
  
There was a distinct popping sound. Tomoyo winced again.   
  
"Don't be so squeamish, Xiao Lang," said Eriol reprovingly. "It's your fault.  
Use both hands this time."   
  
"My fingers are already sore, thanks to last night."   
  
Sakura started violently.  
  
"I'll blow on them and kiss them and make them better after this, okay?"  
  
"Hiiragizawa--"   
  
"Xiao Lang, we don't have much time." Eriol's normally even voice rose. "Don't   
be a daft prick."   
  
"I don't have the daft prick!" Syaoran paused. "Forget I said that."  
  
"Typo?"  
  
"You're a magician."  
  
"So?"  
  
"Use magic!"  
  
"And bring Sakura-san running? You _are_ being daft."   
  
Sakura twitched.   
  
"If I'd known this would be so hard, I've have brought a goddamn pair of pliers!"   
  
"We can always break into Mr. Terada's desk. He must have a pair somewhere.  
Why do you think he's always the one assigned to put up curtains during festivals?"  
  
"And do it in the faculty room? Are you crazy?"   
  
"I don't think even the indomitable Tomoyo-san carries pliers around. But we can  
still try her sewing kit."  
  
"Last I checked, she has a pair of steel chopsticks. And even a miniature car   
jack."   
  
A longer pause, as if they were considering the thought.  
  
"A car jack?" Sakura hissed at Tomoyo.  
  
Tomoyo smiled and shrugged. "Just in case Kero-chan breaks down."   
  
Sakura only stared at her.  
  
"And just in case I want to throw something hard at Hiiragizawa-kun without   
being suspended for breaking school property," continued Tomoyo.  
  
Sakura almost smiled.   
  
"Well, one can never be too complacent with Tomoyo-san's sewing kit," Eriol  
was saying. "I don't think I want to risk it though. She must have burglar  
alarms installed in the bloody thing, not to mention laser cannons. So come  
ON, Xiao Lang."   
  
"Fine," Syaoran muttered. "This wide enough for you?"   
  
"It'll do. Now, puuush..."  
  
"Aaargh," groaned Syaoran.   
  
"Aaargh," groaned Eriol.  
  
Sakura grabbed Tomoyo's hand and they edged toward where Naoko, Rika and Chiharu were   
clinging to each other, like a collective cute schoolgirl version of that statue   
of Lacoon and his sons before they were eaten by the serpent. Or Lot and his women  
running away from Sodom and Gomorrah, which is a more apt analogy in this case.  
  
"It hurts!"  
  
"I'm midway!"   
  
"Goddamnit, Hiiragizawa, is that a ruler?!"   
  
The door opened again. The girls jumped and then turned around, very slowly.   
  
Yamazaki stood in the doorway.  
  
"Ya--Yamazaki?" Chiharu burst out in a strangled voice.  
  
Yamazaki's trademark grin widened. "Why hello, ladies. What are you doing here?"  
  
Rika cleared her throat. "Yamazaki-kun, this _is_ the girl's bathroom. We should  
be asking you what you're doing here. In fact we're asking you now."   
  
Yamazaki squinted. "Oh."  
  
Sakura heard a gnashing sound from behind her. She looked back in alarm, wondering   
what Eriol and Syaoran (or the Unforgivable Perverts, she thought grimly) were   
doing _now_, and instead saw Chiharu reaching out for Yamazaki, claws and fangs   
bared.   
  
"You--you--you--knew about THIS?!" Chiharu screamed.  
  
"Eh?" said Yamazaki. "About what?"   
  
"You know, Yamazaki-kun," said Rika pointedly, inclining her head towards the  
Infamous Cubicle where Sakura could vaguely hear Syaoran yelling about irrelevant  
bullshit and Eriol saying that measuring such things is important just in case  
they need to talk to the manufacturers about defective products etcetera.   
  
"Now what in the world do they mean by that?" Tomoyo whispered.   
  
"It's not breaking is it?!" Syaoran howled.  
  
"It will if I go on any further!" There was a loud tearing sound.   
  
"Shit!"  
  
"Quite."  
  
"Oh," exclaimed Yamazaki. "That."   
  
All eyes swung toward him.   
  
"Oh?" said Chiharu.  
  
"That?" said Sakura.   
  
"Well--"  
  
"No hot chocolate, please, Yamazaki-kun," said Tomoyo.  
  
Yamazaki assumed an apologetic expression. "Unfortunately, Daidouji, it's got   
quite a lot to do with chocolate."   
  
Naoko looked sick.   
  
The door of the Infamous Cubicle crashed open and Syaoran and Eriol strode out,   
flushed and scowling. Everyone stared. Syaoran's shirt had gone completely  
untucked out of his pants, Eriol's hair was tousled, he had removed his glasses   
and he was waving what looked like a long wooden stick about in the air.   
  
Naoko looked sicker.   
  
"We might have to lift Tomoyo-san's car jack after all," he was saying  
mournfully.  
  
Syaoran was about to speak when he caught sight of the tableu in the doorway   
and he screeched to a halt. Eriol crashed into his back. They grunted. At that   
grunt, Sakura's patience snapped. She threw her brush at them as hard as she   
could.   
  
It bounced off Syaoran's forehead and landed on the floor with a loud clatter.  
Eriol shoved Syaoran aside and picked it up solicitously. Syaoran only looked   
bewildered. "Sakura? What are you doing here?"   
  
Sakura uttered a mindless screech. Syaoran blinked.   
  
"The question of the hour," Yamazaki declared morbidly.   
  
Eriol was inspecting Sakura's hair brush. "You know the concentric circles  
in the handle remind me of that equation we were arguing about the other  
night, Xiao Lang," he commented. "I told you the numerical sequence--"   
  
"Shut up, Hiiragizawa-kun," said Tomoyo. She looked ready to throw something  
at him as well, car jack or no car jack.   
  
Eriol's face lit up. "Why, Tomoyo-san! What are you doing here?"   
  
"Er," said Yamazaki. "I think I might have given you the wrong directions,   
boys."   
  
  
-------------------  
  
  
"A sliding folder?" Touya asked dubiously, staring down at his sister  
who had latched herself onto his chest the moment he arrived home.   
  
"And Syaoran said they were only putting the folder into the slide and that  
it was really hard and they were really in a hurry because it was due and  
they didn't mean to make so much noise only Yamazaki-kun told them it was  
under-construction and that it was the juniors' CR and the juniors were  
in their classes and they were only looking for an abandoned place with  
preferably a flat surface and it wasn't supposed to come out like that!"   
Sakura wailed. "But Oniichan why would Syaoran-kun say something about   
squishing it and sticking it when it's a math project and why would Eriol-kun  
say something about hurting and fingers and--and--virtue when it's a MATH   
PROJECT?!" She covered her head with a pillow.   
  
"Right," said Touya.   
  
Yukito cleared his throat from his vantage point by the window. "Now,   
Sakura-chan, don't start thinking Things. I'm sure, er, I'm sure."   
  
"The girls' lavatory?" Touya snorted. "Not even the shed? Or the gym? Or   
the faculty room? Or the soccer field?"   
  
Yukito looked horrified. "Really, To-ya, the soccer field..."   
  
Sakura peeked out from under her pillow. "Really, Oniichan, the soccer  
field?"   
  
Kero-chan snickered at the foot of the bed, beside a tray of sandwiches  
Yukito had made (of course). "You know what they say about passionate   
memories, Sakura."  
  
Touya glared at him. Kero-chan snickered harder.   
  
"Anyway," Touya said pontifically, "much as I loathe the Brat and want  
nothing more than to see him burn in hell--which I imagine is practically   
the same thing as making out with Hiiragizawa (not that I want to see  
_that_ of course)--"  
  
Yukito coughed.  
  
"--but he just doesn't strike me as a ladies powder room boy, if you  
know what I mean. Besides, give Hiiragizawa some credit. He probably  
has an entire floor of his house devoted to such," Touya paused   
delicately, "activities. Fully-equipped, hi-tech. And a SLIDE? Please."   
  
"You sound like you've been there, done that, Niichan," Kero-chan   
observed.   
  
This time, Touya kicked him.   
  
Yukito shot them both a meaningful look. Sakura's shoulders were shaking.  
"Uh, what I really meant was, they wouldn't do something like that, uh,  
like that," Touya said quickly. "And you know how much the Brat loves you   
(DAMN HIM) so don't cry, please, Sakura... wait, are _you_ crying? Again?"   
He snatched away the pillow. "You're not crying."  
  
"She's laughing," Kero-chan pointed out.   
  
"I can see that now," Touya said icily.   
  
"Oniichan," Sakura wheezed. "I'm so sorry but something about you and  
Eriol-kun, really, have you seen his house, the floor, um..."   
  
Touya choked.   
  
"I mean he's practically our father, Oniichan," Sakura exclaimed.  
  
In response, Touya shoved the pillow right back down onto her head.   
  
The phone rang. Yukito grabbed it--and a sandwich from the bed--after a  
nod from Touya, who was still gripping the pillow and a flailing Sakura.   
  
"Hello?" Yukito said cheerfully. "Oh Li-kun!"   
  
Sakura flailed harder. Touya grinned.  
  
"Yes, she's right here. Actually, Touya's strangling her at the moment  
after he's finished convincing her you wouldn't sleep with Hiiragizawa-kun  
in the girls' bathroom because... really, Li-kun, such language!"   
  
Touya threw him the pillow and then went down himself as a red-faced Sakura   
socked him in the jaw. Yukito dodged the pillow, grinned at the howling Touya,   
and held out the phone to Sakura. "Here you go, Sakura-chan, he wants to talk   
to you."   
  
Sakura looked mutinuous for a moment.   
  
"Come on, Sakura-chan," said Yukito, his tone gentle. "If you don't talk  
to him, he'll do something desperate and suicidal like rush over and shoot a   
pike through the window at Touya's head."   
  
Sakura took the phone slowly. Kero-chan snerked.   
  
"Hello, Syaoran-kun? Yes, Oniichan was strangling me, and no you can't come  
here to strangle him back because I've already punched him and you will explain   
right now what Eriol-kun was measuring and what you meant about having a daft   
prick..."   
  
"Sliding folder, huh?" Touya whispered to Yukito, who was helping him up from  
the floor. He grinned. "Damn. I wish I'd thought of that."   
  
  
END ??? XD XD XD   
  
  
Earlier that afternoon.   
  
"Sliding folder, huh?" Eriol whispered to Syaoran as they trailed along after  
Sakura and the others. "Damn. I wish I'd thought of that."   
  
Syaoran grinned.   
  
  
  
NOTES:  
  
All _I_ can say is that last ice cream sundae was laced with more than a  
bit of crack. And, well, an evening of passionate memories (actually a  
passionate trip down memory lane) can do Strange Things to you.   
  
And as for what they were really doing in the cubicle, sans sliding folder,  
let me just say that the stick was just a stick and sticks are somewhat  
mathematical so there. 3 3 3   
  
Oh. A sliding folder. You know. Folder, slide the slide in? For papers,  
not excluding Math Projects. They _are_ the damnedest to get to, ah, cooperate.   
This fanfic was based on an actual incident, involving me, a classmate  
and another empty bathroom (or so we thought). We were innocent, I tell you.   
  
Tin: Damn. The opening's too small.  
Pao: We need some sort of lubricant.  
Everyone: ......................  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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